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Cord Samson
Age: 17

When Cord was seven, his parents got divorced. At such a young age, it was already apparent that Cord was destined for greater things - jail, for example, and the registry of sex offenders - which explains why Cord's father fought for custody of his siblings but conveniently bestowed full custody of Cord alone upon his ex-wife. Cord’s mother takes her parenting seriously by next-to-never showing her face in the same house as her son. Perhaps out of some lingering feeling of guilt, Cord’s dad asked Mr. Sock to be the unofficial guardian of his misguided child.

There are few people who describe Cord without employing one of the following words: perverted, lecherous, depraved, deviant, debauched, grotesque, warped, unnatural, sick, twisted, monstrous, repulsive, or charming and bewitching. (The latter two are used mostly by Cord himself.) Cord has zero interest in academic endeavors and only shows up for school when he feels like checking up on the hidden cameras he's planted in the girls locker room (in addition to planting new ones) and propositioning any moderately attractive female students. Any teacher of Cord’s will usually find a way to (wrongly) convince themselves that he’s deserving of a D-, thus ensuring that he will be out of their hair as soon as possible and never be held back a grade. Besides being known for his inhuman lust for the opposite sex and his incapacity to understand that women are indeed human beings far more intelligent than he, Cord… doesn’t really have any characteristics worth mentioning.


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